


against all odds

by BookRockShooter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Feelings Realization, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, also sam says like one line in this im sorry sam ily cries, and i'm kinda sad about it even tho it kinda sucks, anything else uhhhhhhh, i guess. technically. yeah, idk i haven't watched spn in years i just wanted to write smth bc it's ending, it's just cas realizing he's in love with dean, not set during a specific season or anything but if i had to say maybe uhh five. or six, okay lemme finish this in the a/n
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:54:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27615859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookRockShooter/pseuds/BookRockShooter
Summary: Against all odds - Heaven, Hell, and even God Himself - Castiel falls in love with Dean Winchester.-or, cas realizes the true extent of his feelings for dean
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	against all odds

**Author's Note:**

> can yall believe spn is finally ending. like. what the fuck
> 
> okay so i dont actively watch spn anymore - i watched up until like 12? maybe 13? before i gave up - but after 15x18 i fell back into the general fandom and have done almost nothing but read textposts and watch deancas scene comps on youtube since then like. i didnt realize how much i missed them until cas confessed his love for dean and then died. so here i am JSDHSD
> 
> anyway basically spn was a huge part of my life for a few years and it's one of the shows that got me into fic (even tho i only even published One Fic for it. not including the handful of crossovers i did) so here i am with this bc im sentimental as hell and wanted to get one last thing in before the whole thing ends
> 
> so yeah i just. i love cas so much. i love dean so much. i love all the characters too esp sam but god cas and dean were some of my favorites ever and i hate how dirty spn did them but what can you do.
> 
> this might be like. vaguely ooc. maybe. im not really sure how they are currently but this is based in an earlier season (like when cas was still a full-blown angel bc i dont think he is anymore? or wasnt for a while) and i think i remember them pretty well from then so yeah
> 
> okay im done rambling sobs here's my homage to destiel

Against all odds - Heaven, Hell, and even God Himself - Castiel falls in love with Dean Winchester.

He realizes this on a Thursday afternoon, sitting in their motel room of the week after a day of investigating. Dean is opposite him, leaning against the wall and flipping through a book Sam had handed him a moment ago to further their research. He looks exhausted, and Castiel is tempted to suggest (tell) him that he should get some rest when he looks up, catches his eye, and asks, “Cas, you good?”

What an odd question. Castiel blinks, tilts his head. “Yes. Why do you ask?”

“You’re lookin’ a little distracted, s’all. Just wanted to check on you.”

Such a simple statement, one he’s heard Dean say many times - not just to him, of course, but to Sam and Bobby and to every other person he’s seen Dean care about to some degree - but something about it gets to Castiel, this time.

_He wanted to check up on me._ But of course he did. Dean Winchester looks after everybody in his life; it’s just the way he is. _Such a selfless, caring, loving human being._

Somewhere off to his right, he hears Sam pull open the curtains. The afternoon sun drenches the room in seconds, and he watches as Dean is lit up with the orange-gold rays in such a way that Castiel is startled by his own thought of _and he’s so beautiful, too._

And - that isn’t odd. No, Castiel has known how beautiful Dean Winchester is since the moment they met, since his grace met Dean’s soul. It isn’t odd at all for him to think that.

Maybe it is odd, though, that his immediate afterthought is _I love him._

Castiel doesn’t physically move, but he feels something in him - his grace, perhaps? - almost _sing_ at these words. _I love him._

Well, of course he does. He loves all of mankind, doesn’t he? Loves them the way his Father intended for him to, the way all of his siblings do, because what are they if they don’t love God’s greatest creation? Certainly not worthy, if he had to answer.

But - and he can’t pinpoint why - this feels… different. It’s as though whatever love he feels for the humans has been multiplied tenfold when it comes to Dean, so much emotion aimed towards just one man, and Castiel can hardly believe that he hadn’t noticed it before now.

It’s - well, frankly, it’s terrifying.

“Hell are you starin’ at? There somethin’ on my face?” Dean is saying suddenly, and Castiel comes back to himself with a shake of his head.

“Uh - excuse me?”

“You’re staring off into space again,” Sam supplies helpfully. Dean rolls his eyes.

“No, he’s starin’ at _me_. You sure you’re good?”

Oh. Has he really been staring at Dean this entire time? How embarrassing. Perhaps he should leave for a while - sort this revelation out somewhere the man behind it isn’t present.

“I’m fine,” he replies. “Apologies. I just remembered that I have somewhere to be.”

Castiel flies away before either of the brothers can respond and lands himself somewhere a few miles away. He doesn’t pay much attention to the exact location, which isn’t exactly bright, but he’s far too distracted to really care.

He loves Dean Winchester. Why is this so extraordinary to realize? He _should_ love Dean - after pulling him out of Hell and saving him from his own family and just _existing_ around him, it feels like loving Dean is what he was always meant to do. It’s as natural to him as breathing is to humans.

But it’s so _strong_ \- Castiel can’t recall any time before this where he felt so much love for one person. It’s different from the way he loves his family, humanity, Sam Winchester - none of what he feels for them compares to what he feels for Dean.

Castiel sighs and rubs at his mouth - a habit he picked up from the Winchesters, surely - as he stares off into the trees surrounding him. Really, this shouldn’t be so difficult to understand. They’re _his_ emotions; if Castiel can understand anything, surely it would be the things that _he_ feels.

Yet it’s a struggle. He knows that it’s love he feels for Dean but not the love he’s used to, and, as an angel, Castiel thought he, of all beings, would know what every kind of love felt like.

Except - 

Castiel exhales a sudden, sharp breath. 

Ah. That would certainly explain it.

There’s an idea creeping into his mind - one that he hasn’t considered until now. He almost wants to cast it aside, ignore it entirely, but there isn’t any point, is there? He rubs absently at his mouth again, his eyes widening a tad as he allows the thought to consume him. And it’s not just a thought, is it - no, he realizes after a few moments, it’s a fact.

It’s not just that he loves Dean - no, he’s _in love_ with him. Castiel, angel of the Lord, has fallen so hard from the Heavens that he’s now in love with Dean Winchester.

Honestly, why is he surprised? Outcast of an angel that he is, he would fall in love with a human. Truly, he should have seen this coming.

Castiel tilts his head back to look at the sky - the sun has set far enough now that the sky is a deep purple, only just starting to be studded with stars - and release a soft, disbelieving laugh.

Well. He supposes there’s nothing to do other than accept it. He’s not sure he could change what he feels for Dean even if he tried.

Eventually, he flies back to the motel, dropping into the room as the moon casts its pale rays across everything it can reach. Dean’s face is, dare he say, angelic in the white light, and Castiel sighs softly.

He starts suddenly when Dean shifts and then blinks his eyes open, squinting at him through the faint light. “Cas?” he whispers, his voice raspy with sleep, and Castiel smiles, just barely.

“Yes, Dean?”

Dean doesn’t say anything else, just stares at him for a moment longer before nodding once and then rolling over to bury his face in his pillow. He’s asleep again within moments, his breathing evened out and, for once, fully at peace.

Privately, it’s one of Castiel’s favorite things to see - Dean relaxing, let it be through sleep or drink or when he’s driving his Impala. He’ll never admit it aloud, because he knows it’d embarrass Dean, but he really does think he deserves to be like this more often. Just - at peace.

Maybe that should’ve made him realize long before today. He can’t remember the last time he cared so much for somebody else’s wellbeing.

_Ridiculous,_ he thinks to himself, but he finds himself still smiling, just a bit.

Castiel settles in for another night of watching over Dean with the notion of _I love him_ encapsulating his entire being.

**Author's Note:**

> okay there's that 
> 
> little note abt all this - i really think that cas just kinda. realized. he had a little breakdown abt it at first bc Oh My God I Love Dean and then just kinda accepted it bc really what more could he have done, from his perspective? so if you were curious that's my idea but ofc that's just me hsdsdjh cries
> 
> also also i swear cas cares abt sam too this is just very much deancas-focused pls forgive me i love sam i do
> 
> considering that i threw this together at like 3am im decently pleased with it?? it's not meant to be a Big Serious Fic it's just me writing what i think cas's thoughts were regarding his love for dean so maybe that's why but yeah. i'm not mad at it or anything shdskdj bless
> 
> anyway i hope it was enjoyable! even tho spn is ending soon i have the urge to continue writing destiel fic which maybe is really bad timing but also isnt bc ppl still write for things that are over so??? yeah
> 
> feel free to hmu on tumblr (under the same user) if you want i enjoy talking to ppl who share my same terrible taste in tragic gay ships
> 
> ending this with a farewell to supernatural, you queerbaiting piece of shit. may you rot. i'll only miss you sometimes. thank you for giving me cas and dean and sam and every other character i've loved


End file.
